Inspirational exchange between Vivi and Tupas in "Starving for Affection" episode of Terrace House.
Tupas: It's a challenge to love someone else when you've never felt loved before.
Vivi: That's incorrect. If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else.
Tupas: The opposite is also true. You wouldn't know how to love someone else if you didn't know what it is like to be loved.
Vivi: You're saying if you've never received love, you'll never be able to love?
Tupas: Of course that's the case.
Vivi: But it's not.
Tupas: But it is.
Vivi: No it's not. Because...
Tupas: You've got it backwards.
Vivi: You first have to discover love within yourself.
Tupas: That's not possible.
Tupas: For example, your parents... they show you love for the first time and you learn what it is. Then you can exemplify that for others.
Vivi: That's not true. What if you grew up without your parents?
Tupas: How is someone supposed to understand love out of thin air?
Vivi: You first focus on nourishing yourself.
Tupas: Well, that's a beautiful theory.
Vivi: It's not a theory. It comes from my own experience.
Tupas: Your personality and the person you become is mostly dictated by how your parents and family treat you and the environment you grow up in.
Vivi: But from that point of view, you'll always be at the mercy of the decisions of others. You've given up control over your life. I don't agree with what you're saying. I don't want to live life according to someone else's decisions. I make my own decisions. I don't have to live the way people expect me to.
Tupas: That would be ideal.
Vivi: It's not just ideal...
Tupas: If I never learned how to be loved, how am I supposed to know how to express that?
Vivi: If you think that way, you'll continue to make excuses and pity yourself, even when you're at fault. If you accept a victim mindset... it's easy to make excuses for yourself and deny opportunities for growth. When you're in that cycle, there's no end to it. At some point, we all have to grow up. You have a responsibility in every decision you make in your life. Whether you choose good or bad, the decision is your responsibility. It takes the weight off to think this way. Don't you think? Instead of blaming things on others. No one else can fix your life for you. How long are you going to wait for someone to show you love? You have to create it yourself.
Tupas: That is ideal.
Vivi: No, there's no other way. You can't change other people. Even if you find someone you love, if they don't want to reciprocate that, there's nothing you can do.
Tupas: Of course.
Vivi: Right? Your security is then at the whim of whether someone loves you or not. I don't want that. So we have to be courageous and proactive in finding love within ourselves. What else can we do?We'd be waiting forever. Isn't that a waste of life?
Vivi: Hoping love will come and feeling dejected when it doesn't is lame. So, look... you're a good person and I know you're resilient. So please don't talk about yourself in such a sad way. You've "never been loved, so you don't know how to love"? Of course you do. The first thing you do when you wake up is come in here and clean all the dishes. Don't you think that's a loving gesture? You're able to show kindness to people. So stop lying about yourself. Stop saying you don't know how to love. You know how. You've learned plenty.