Once upon a time, I wanted to be nutritionist. Truth be told, if time or money isn't an issue, I'd still like to become one but hey I only have one life and I've lived awhile. So back in 2014, I was actually enrolled in a master degree in nutrition policy and took some classes on macronutrients. I learned about protein and stuff but it was never brought to my attention that protein is so freaking important! Now that I'm training at least three times a week and building muscles, I'm taking protein and collagen supplements. For most of my life, I think I accidentally did the keto diet and intermittent fasting because I never ate breakfast and ate a lot of meat and very little of anything else. The thing with protein is that we have to keep eating protein every few hours because we don't keep it and it's good for building muscles and skin, hair and nails. I wish I knew earlier so that I can stock up on protein for better skin and better health. I've been skinny fat for a few years now and now I'm hoping to build more muscles so that the percentage of fat is lower in comparison. I just wanna be stronger. I've always wanted to stand tall, walk tall and have better posture. Here's hoping I build loads of muscles this year and still look super youthful and healthful. 

My favourite book series as a teenager is the collection of teen novels by Melanie Stewart for Generation Girl, which was one of the brands for Barbie. It’s set at an international school in New York featuring Barbie and her classmates and friends.

I have been to New York many times before. I used to visit almost once a year and every time I went I schedule all kinds of events packed full from morning until evening. One of the more memorable times I went is in 2008. I stayed at a bed and breakfast in Brooklyn, walking distance to the examination hall for the New York Bar. I was jetlagged so I woke up really early and got breakfast at a diner. Back then, even getting a coffee at Starbucks was glamorous. I really wanted to live in New York. It represented a dream, a lifestyle, success, excitement, all kinds of positive feelings. I used to keep a US one dollar bill in my wallet to remind myself to live in New York one day.

I spent a few days in Brooklyn for the NY bar exam. I remember walking out early for both the morning and afternoon sessions. I learned my lesson before. When you have too much time on your hands, you start changing correct answers for wrong ones, so always go with your first gut feeling and once you’re finished, leave, don’t look at your answers again. After Brooklyn, I stayed at a hostel in New York. It was so run down but it was all I could afford on my meager assistant salary. I can’t believe people spend over US$100 a night on hotels, let alone US$200. I didn’t want to do all the touristy things so I ended up just walking around the city, as if I could absorb success and luck just by circling the buildings. I thought being a New York attorney would be amazing. I couldn’t even believe that I was eligible to sit for the bar. 

Those days I really didn’t understand the world and I guess I still don’t. So many things seem so magical and so out of touch. I added so much meaning to things. I guess I am a romantic. Sometimes I feel like I make certain life decisions as if I’m building a third person character in a novel rather than thinking of me myself as me. ​

Recently I finished reading this book about LTCM and I was very fascinated by how power and greed distracted these geniuses at LTCM and the folks from the banks from appropriate risk management. I guess there is FOMO. No one wants to miss out on making big bucks that everybody else is making. 

Although the loss at Archegos is nowhere near as much as LTCM, the coordination and cooperation among the banks there were pitiful. To be fair, the bank cooperation for bailing out LTCM almost fell apart a few times, too. With the pandemic raging this past year, the international cooperation among countries was also terrible. Are we all just becoming more nationalistic, protectionist, self-centered and selfish? Is that the global trend?

The quality of your life is the quality of your habitual emotions.

Pain is a part of life but suffering is a choice. I'm going to choose to live in a beautiful state everyday no matter what. 

The author of "Educated: A Memoir" Tara Westover said "You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person every day and still be glad that they're no longer in your life."

Love is just love. We love people. We give them that for free and then you decide whether that's something you want in your life. The alternative is to say that I'm going to change them and then I'll have them in your life.  That's not love. That's not what love is. It's not the power that it has. We accept the fact that we need them to change in order to have them in my life and whether or not they change is something we have no control over.