Recently I've been watching episode after episode of "Botched". It's the most fascinating thing. It caters to my curiosity about medicine and the personalities on the show are so interesting. It seems there are many people who really want attention and don't know how to get attention other than to be different physically. There are some people who want really big breasts and enjoy the attention that big breasts bring. I suppose each to its own. We all want to feel accepted and be worthy of someone's attention and affection. Some of these individuals do not want to be just another ordinary person which I totally understand.  It comes from the belief that you have to be outstanding, extraordinary to be deserving of love. If you can't be unique in this one way, then be unique in that other way but the bottom line is to be unique and not just the girl/boy next door. It's a human condition to feel less than unless you have this and that.

It's kinda funny though because there are also characters who are born with imperfections and all they want is to look normal so whatever flaw they have is de-emphasised. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe we're just never satisfied.  We want to be normal in this way and extraordinary in another way, maybe it's all just code for we want to be loved more and we think whatever change we need will get us that extra love. 

Recently I watched the documentary "Anelka". I have never heard of Nicholas Anelka previously but mainly because I'm not a football fan (although I have heard of Thierry Henry). What's very interesting about the documentary was learning about Anelka's personality. First, he's an introvert. There is usually this presumption that introverts are calm and at peace because they keep a distance. However, he's emotionally all over the place. When he's triggered, he blows up. At the same time, he's the loveliest father who tells his kids he loves them every day. It's a very interesting personality. 

Although I don't know much about football, it didn't seem right to me that he kept moving clubs. Every one or two years, he's sent to another club. I really wonder if it was due to people around him who didn't have his best interest at heart. He's so freaking talented and it's a shame that he wasn't able to play to his maximum potential. I guess that happens. Not everyone maximises their potential. You need a good group of people as your support system to be the best version of yourself. I am however impressed that he's very independent and don't care too much about what other people think. He's now living in Dubai with his family and seems very happy to be with his kids.  

I've been watching the TV series "New Girl" and I'm learning so much about relationships or life decisions in general. It seems people break up when they realise their partner is not who they want to spend their life with. It doesn't matter if they like them as a person, doesn't matter if they're good looking, nice, warm, friendly, smart or whatever, because this brilliant, lovely person is just not the one. You want to break up so that you can be single and find someone who's more right for you. Interesting perspective. It would require forming an opinion or having a general idea of what you want in life and then knowing that this person does not fit into that ideal. What if you don't know what you want in life?

When I was young, I often answered questions with "I don't know."

My mom and my sister got annoyed at me.  They said I was just too lazy to think of a real answer so I just respond with "I don't know."

After that, I became more mindful of how I answer questions and somehow learned that smart people often have an opinion about things.  Or French people, who are cool, often have opinions about all sorts of things.  So I established a new rule in my head: have opinions even if you don't. And try to be unique and controversial, that will make me more interesting. 

I remember once my housemate in London bought some new clothes and I felt compelled to say which ones I like and which ones I didn't like but I honestly had no opinions on the clothes. I just felt like I needed to give an opinion in order to look smart. 

Now I have this really bad habit of making people wrong. It's a manifestation of my fear of looking stupid. But then I make people feel bad because I make other people look stupid. It's almost as if I'm hunting for loopholes and flaws in what people say. Whether that's correcting grammar or logical fallacies or whatnot. The purpose is for me to feel accepted by others so they don't think I'm stupid. Seriously, I have major inferiority complex in relation to intelligence - pretty obvious from my high achiever streak. In my attempt to look not stupid, I've successfully managed to sound super arrogant.

The coping strategies we come up with... the original intent is now so far away from the actual current result.  Well now it's become a habit, as in I don't even have to actively consciously try to contradict someone, my brain will automatically do that for me.  It's a useful skill for my day job but pretty awful for my friendships and relationships. So let's bring the unconscious actions into consciousness and be a little more mindful of when I'm making people wrong. No one wants to be told they are wrong.  The customer is always right!  Remember, the customer is always right, and you can always add your opinion after agreeing with them. That is if you have a real opinion, sometimes I don't think I have an opinion, it's just a habit, and I say stuff that I may not believe in that much or at all.