Compliments

Last week I received a few heartfelt thank you's. I still feel a bit weird receiving appreciation from others. My refugee client expressed how much I changed her life and how she went on to change others because of the things I've taught her. How beautiful. My boss also told me how much she appreciates me running a matter and picking up the slack that no one paid attention to. That's nice but I brushed it aside. In emotionally focused therapy, I often ask clients if they can take in what someone said. The irony is that I find it hard to take in compliments myself. It's unfamiliar.  I hear it, part of me is happy, part of me questions whether I deserve it. It means I haven't heard right. It means I didn't take it in. These people are trying to express appreciation, which is a form of love, one of the 5A's of love (Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, and Attention) according to David Richo, and can I fully receive that love and savour in it?

I have a theory. I think we like other people loving us because it's external validation that we are worthy of love. When someone loves us, we believe them, and we treat ourselves better and learn to love ourselves from the way they treat us. When we say our partner has changed us, it's because they love us and we see that love and learn how we can love ourselves and with more love within ourselves, we are generous enough to love others more. If only we all had the self esteem, self worth and love within us from childhood, we can freely love without being afraid of getting hurt.