Conscious Uncoupling

I read this book around March 2019 after I finished reading Katherine Woodward Thomas's other book "Calling in The One".  She proposes that a breakup is nothing short of a once in a lifetime opportunity to have a complete spiritual awakening and believes that we can use our shocking loss to break our heart open, expanding and enlarging our capacity to authentically love ourselves and others in the process.  She encourages us to plant seeds of forgiveness, goodwill and generosity, so that in time our actions will grow to be a cornucopia of riches for ourselves and for those we love.  I like the idea of post-traumatic growth and becoming well-adjusted, healthy, resilient, good-hearted adults because a clean conscience is worth more than money can ever buy.  Give peace a chance. 

She quoted Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh's characterisation of anger as garbage, "I recognise that there is garbage in me and I am going to transform this garbage into nourishing compost that can make love appear."

The rule of thumb: you want to be more interested in developing yourself than you are in defending yourself, more interested in being rigorously honest than being right.  

You must be more devoted to creating safety, cohesion, and well-being for all involved than in being right or exacting revenge.  You have to consciously create the possibility of an affirmative future while coming to terms with the painful loss of the future you'd envisioned.  It's a little like building a plane while flying it, and it's not for the faint of heart.

You want to fully own your power, regardless of who someone else is choosing to be, refusing to give anyone the authority to determine how you are going to behave.  Remember, kindness is contagious.  It's hard for someone to stay mean and petty when you're behaving in ways that are consistently thoughtful, respectful and generous.