His Pain and His Mind

A grown man cried in front of me and it made me all kinds of crazy. His emotions were so raw and so real. I sat there watching him crumble into pieces. I could not save him. The words he used to describe his pain I cannot forget. He’s crying and he’s hurting and there’s nothing I can do. His pain is so deep rooted, it was too much for my heart to handle. All I knew is that he needed love. I wish that he had all the love that he needed growing up, then he wouldn’t be like this. The rawness of his emotions cut me, too. I cannot forget his pain. What kills me is the realisation that he is incapable of being the man I thought he could be, knowing full well that he was floundering at his limits. His personal growth has to start much further down than I had anticipated. I felt sad for all the emotional abuse and injustice that he must have endured, how much he must’ve suffered alone, all the knowledge and information that he does not know and appreciate, the dots he couldn’t connect. He is so flawed and he’s coping the best way he knows how. In many ways, I witnessed something beautiful. It’s the humanity in him. I got to experience his suffering firsthand and see how his very unique mind worked. I was already emotionally invested in his journey. I wanted him to succeed and get whatever he wanted in life. How much I wish he would use this as an impetus to take ten steps forward, adopt a take no prisoners approach and milk everything else that God has given him to his advantage. I hope he doesn’t just sit on his laurels and feel sorry for himself but light a fire under his ass to go for shit that he is more poised to achieve. Some cards you’ve been dealt with sucked but it’s no excuse to play small and pull yourself back from the good cards. I’ve always respected him for his intelligence. His mind is so brilliant and the way he thinks is kind of sweet. That beautiful mind of his I hope he uses to re-strategise and go fucking kill and be a winner. ​