Recurring Complaint

In the latest season of "Love is Blind", there is this guy Matt who was previously married to his high school sweetheart but was cheated on after like 10 years of marriage. Now he's single and fell in love with Collette in the pods on the third season. Even before meeting Collette in person, he was saying to his fellow contestants that he would be crushed if Collette was just playing with him. Even then I was like huh, what prompted this line of thinking? We as the audience know that Collette was genuinely smitten with him. We hear her side of the story. We see her enthusiasm. His insecurity about her intentions is unfounded.

After meeting Collette, we see his insecurity playing out again. He's complaining about her conversation with Cole, the guy that she also went on dates with in the pods. She told Cole that in the real world he would be her type and Matt got upset and threatened to walk. He said I can't marry a girl who says this to a guy. Thankfully, Cole eventually listened to reason and this was resolved the next day. And then later on, Collette was late coming home, she went to a club instead of going home to Matt as he had expected. He flipped out and started packing his bags. He complained to another contestant Bartise about how he can't marry a girl who doesn't do what she says. We all know that Matt was just catastrophising. It's really not that big of a deal. What's really happening is that he got triggered and re-traumatised by his ex's cheating. He doesn't have the self-awareness to see that he's living with tinted glasses - his view of the world and relationships are warped by his trauma. He's afraid that every girl will cheat on him. 

I remember I went on a couple of dates with this guy who also had a recurring complaint. He told me how his ex was always so disrespectful to him and kept saying things that put him down as if he's stupid. I remember we were texting about where he lives and he suddenly flipped out and got mad because he thought my text message conveyed that I thought he was too stupid to know where he lives. I was so caught off guard, like wait what? We were discussing which neighborhood his apartment was in and he got offended and mad because I didn't immediately say he's right. His view of the world is forever tinted by his fear that he's not smart enough.

Truth be told, I also have a recurring complaint. I am afraid that I am not important to people. You ask me why I get upset about things and most of the time I will tell you, I feel like I'm not important to you. Hopefully EMDR has helped me become more self aware and conscious of this biased view that's coloured by my own trauma. I may not be important to certain people but I am important to many people and I shouldn't need to worry about that.