Shelving Your Agenda

Shelving your agenda is a tactic in relationships where you temporarily delay your own needs to meet those of another. We often get into disagreements where both parties want empathy from the other. When someone is in distress, they are in limited capacity to empathise with another. The more emotionally mature party can choose to 'shelve their agenda' and take care of their partner's needs first. It can sound like "I'm really in need of some understanding but I see that you need me to see this situation from your perspective so let's focus on you first, please tell me more about what's bothering you, I'm happy to listen." You then summarise what they are trying to say and check if you heard them right and then ask if there is more. Partners need to listen and understand before they get defensive and try to explain away why they acted the way they did.