Starting Point

I tried surfing for the first time in Padang Padang Beach last month when our friends had booked surfing instructors and offered us to join them, we're like sure. My friend didn't want me to go because I can't swim. She kept asking me if I was sure. I was like whatever let's try it.

Surfing is definitely not what I would go and learn because I don't swim. I doggy paddle. I do back stroke. I actually grew up by the swimming pool and started swimming lessons when I was 4 years old. At 6 years old, one day I was swimming with a floating board at the deep end of the pool, for whatever reason, my older sister snatched the board away from me and I sank. My helper freaked out and jumped in and the life guard jumped in and fished me out. I was okay, maybe drank a bit of water. I jumped back into the pool 5 minutes later but my helper freaked out and forbid me from swimming again. I think the episode traumatised her. 

I didn't know how to be scared but because the adults around me were scared, I learned to be scared of water. The next time I remember swimming is in Canada probably when I was 7 years old. Somehow I didn't feel comfortable in water anymore. I haven't really swam properly with my head under water ever since. 

Considering that I almost drowned before and don't know how to do a front crawl or any type of swimming that involves ducking my head under water, it was super dangerous for me to go out surfing where my feet cannot touch the ground. I had forgot what my starting point was. I sometimes forget who I am and the things that have happened to me. I dupe myself into thinking I'm competent in so many areas and I make decisions as if I was never held back. Gotta be more realistic, kiddo.